The best thing about having a precociously verbal two-year-old is getting to find out what, exactly, goes on in a toddler’s mind. (This is also the worst thing about it.) Here’s a peek:

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On his sister: “This is a big heavy kid. I think you should lift it off my bed.”

On interpersonal relationships: “Can I thump you? Can I bump you? Can I push you and you will fall down and cry? Can I bash you to bits?”

On beauty regimens: “Can I put my pee in your hair?”

On the preaching ministry: “Daddy is writing his sermon loud,  Loud, LOUD!”

Wishful thinking: “Can we buy a phone for me and I can use it by myself?”

On alternative medicine: “Mama, can I pass you my hiccups?”

On geography: “Zambia, Gambia. Zambia, Gambia. Zambia, Gambia! Zambia and Gambia… RHYME!”

On chores: “Can you help me clean up this house, because it’s really really messy?”

Keeping it encouraging: “My big fat mother needs to take off all her clothes and have a shower.”