Open Letters

[This post has been rescued from my drafts folder, where it has been languishing since late 2018. Please rest assured that Perpetua has since sorted out traffic lights.]

To the fruit flies in my bathroom:

Seriously, what is the deal? What are you even living on? Do you know that I have bananas in the kitchen?

In puzzlement,


Dear Maryland drivers,

If you look closely, on the left-hand side of your steering wheel you will find a lever that is in easy reaching-distance while you drive. Flicking that lever up will cause a light to blink on the right-hand side of your car. Flicking that lever down will cause a light to blink on the left-hand side of your car. These blinking lights serve to notify other drivers of your intent to change lanes, turn, or otherwise move your vehicle in a non-forward direction. I know I’m going out on a limb here, but you might find them useful.

Think about giving it a shot,


My darling daughter,

I love your passion for the world around you! I feel as if it would be remiss of me, however, if I didn’t point out that screaming will not change the fact that red means stop and green means go, however much you wish it were the other way around. It is one of life’s great tragedies that we cannot change reality simply by feeling at it. I am sure we will continue to unpack this truth as you grow. In the meantime, please just watch some Daniel Tiger until you feel better.

Your doting Mama

To the lady on our street who walks her cat every morning:

I just want to say that I admire your gumption. You go, girl! Walk that cat!


Your admiring neighbour